


blood on your hands

by Ffwydriad



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: But not that dark, Character Study, Dark, Drabbles, Gen, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, also it seems that everything i write for this fandom is just weird ot3 parallelism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 11:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19868968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ffwydriad/pseuds/Ffwydriad
Summary: the first time you kill someone is different. that's what they always say.(the ot3, with blood on their hands).





	blood on your hands

The first time you kill someone, you are seven. It's an assassin, who managed to sneak past the smoke knights into your room. That isn't supposed to happen, but most of the smoke knights don't care enough to try very hard. You aren't surprised they failed. 

It's difficult. The man is well trained, and much larger than you, like most everyone. You're very small, for seven. You take a whole minute to kill him, and it's louder than you wanted, but if anyone hears the sound they don't bother to check in on you. 

You stare at the body for a long time, before you dispose of it. You've seen a lot of corpses, before, but never one you killed yourself. It's disconcerting. You're not certain if you ought to be feeling worse about the killing, or if you're already more conflicted than you should be. It was an assassin, after all. Self defense. 

The first kill is always the hardest, you've been told. There's a reason why most Smoke Knights have their first kills around five, when they're more impressionable. Seven is a bit late, by your family's regards, and maybe that's why it haunts you longer than it should. 

In the morning, you notice the blood caught on the edges of your fingernails, missed when you washed up that night. You scrub your hands clean, carefully, making sure there's no sign that anything amiss happened. After all, it wouldn't do to give anyone the idea you were competent. 

* * *

The first time you kill someone is in Paris. It's an accident. You hadn't expected him to move, to be so stupid, and what should have been a warning shot was instead a missing arm, and half of a torso, and a little chunk of his face. 

You feel sick. 

You don't have time to sit there and think about it, though, because the whole place is about to explode, and you need to get Zola out of there. You grab her unconscious form in your arms, and you run, and you try not to think about anything other than surviving. 

It was going to happen one of these days. A fight was going to end with the other person dead, not unconscious or in jail or ashamed or fleeing. You get into fights more days than not. Your father is the Baron, and eventually, you will be too, and that means that there are going to be people that you have to kill, that you can't avoid killing. 

You spend your days around DuPree. You're not exactly avoiding that fact.

Still, you watch the fire as Zola starts to stir, and you hold yourself back from rushing in to try and find something to drag back to a revivification lab. The man is dead, and it's his own fault, with that stupid scheme. This doesn't change anything. 

Except for all the ways it does.

You get drunk, and next time, you make sure to plan for human behavior better. 

* * *

The first time you kill someone yourself, you're defending the city that you've only just claimed. 

You've killed people before. You know it. You sent Moloch's brother to his death, and you unleashed wasps onto the castle and who knows what your body did in Sturmhalten. You've told the Castle to kill a lot of people for you, to tear airships down from the sky, but the first time you do it for yourself, is during the siege of Mechanicsburg. 

You don't even think about it, really. There are more important things going on. It isn't until you're waiting for the train that you really have any time to think about it. You don't even know who the first one was, the fight was all one sparky blur, more focused on the mechanics on the suit than what, exactly, you were doing. 

Should it bother you, more? The not caring feels almost like your mother's influence, and that terrifies you. But you've never been a hero - never claimed to be one, for all that you tried to be a halfway good person. Killing people attacking your city - who came all the way to attack your city - is different from raiding and rampaging, different from killing someone who's begging on their knees. It's not- 

But it's still someone dead, and being so casual of that fact is terrifying. It makes you wonder if you'd really be able to stop yourself, when in a fugue you dream of burning down the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> i really, really like the theory that what happened to omar is that agatha straight up ordered him to die. whether he was wasped or she just has that voice, it's beautiful.


End file.
